Today I did a headstand without support of a wall for my very first time. Vivekan, my instructor, told us that it is ok to be proud of ourselves sometimes as long as we can see pride for what it is and not take advantage of it.
I was definitely proud of myself and the improvement of my practice.
Prior to this evenings' Bodhisattva class (which is a mixture of intermediate flow, dharma, pranayama, chanting, and meditation)I had been very fearful of coming up into headstand without support of the wall. I feel the same about handstand and forearm stand. I realized how much fear holds us back from improvement so I mustered up every ounce of courage I had and just pulled myself up and brought my legs straight up. Instantly, a huge smile spread across my face and I thought, "So this is how it feels!?!" It wasn't difficult for me to stay up once I was there. It was in me all along and all I had to do was overcome the fear.
Now as I reflect on class, my practice, and this huge lesson I am thinking about all of the other things I don't do in life because of fear.
Earlier today I interviewed for a Yoga Advisor position at another studio. I was proud of myself for my resilience. I fell very hard not too long ago and I've managed to get back up so quickly. I don't know what the outcome will be, but whichever way the chips fall, at least I know that it is possible to remain in this industry and enjoy my practice along the way.
So the next time I attempt a handstand or forearm stand without wall support, maybe I will consider that life is about falling and getting back up again and that's perfectly alright.
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yay!
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